Grouchy, Sick and Neglectful… and (at least!) Writing

too_many_choices1This post is a variety of things.  I’ve been sick over the weekend which has made things kind of frustrating for me.  I guess I just need to vent a bit or something.

One point seems to be the entry in my Correspondences document on December 13 as Loki’s Birthday.  I remember reading a blog somewhere, where the poster explained why that worked and at the time, I liked the idea.  Problem is, I don’t know who that was or where the post was.  I have been looking for it the last week and couldn’t find it.

December 13 came up and… (maybe because I’m sick, I don’t quite know)… it just didn’t feel right at all, you know?  So I took the entry off the Correspondences for now, until I work this out to an extent I’m comfortable with.

I also have been working on a new novel.  Helping Nayru (my bff) get her first book ready for publication, I came across our chosen publisher’s Oromance-gay-wedding-cake-topper-0pen Submission Call page.  So, since I’m always interested in what kind of open calls publishers have going on, I took a look at it.  They’re doing an

Open Call for Gay Marriage romances, but it closes today, actually.  Luckily for me, when I was looking at this, it was a couple weeks ago.

So I grabbed a piece I had been working with and continued to work on it, running a quick edit and outlining, hoping I could come up with a good story that would come in at at least 20K (that’s 20,000 words).  I do wish I’d known about this a while ago, of course.

So thinking I might actually be able to do this book before the deadline, I launched into it and was working.  Unfortunately, other stuff, like life, was

getting in the way and slowing me down.  And, to be honest, a lot of that was also me.  I have so many stupid blocks in writing now, it’s hard.  I really wish I could write like I did in High School, when I’d just spend the whole day writing and enjoying what I was doing.  Ah well.

Anyway, I managed to get going with it, and then ended up getting diagnosed with a sinus infection and got put on antibiotics.  Which, of course, pretty much derailed my weekend.

This last weekend, I got the house to myself and my dog and I was writer-1planning to use it to get some serious writing done.  Well, it was pretty clear by Saturday that 20K wasn’t happening, and I needed a day to create a submission packet.  Luckily for me, this publisher happens to accept Proposals on WIPs (works in progress), and I had enough finished that I could definitely do a Proposal.  I got together what I had, edited and polished it as much as I could with it being the first 3 chapters and spent yesterday working on the synopsis and the submission packet.  So I got it out to the publisher before the deadline, which was good.

Problem is, I still feel like I didn’t get what I told everyone else I was going to do, done.  I think being sick, taking the antibiotics that make me feel a bit worse, and being generally grouchy anyway don’t help my outlook on the word at this point.

That, and I feel really like I’ve been neglecting Loki a lot as well.  I really wanted to do something special for the 13th, but wasn’t really able to do much more than set up my altar space (which, becrainbow+high_resolution+pc_thems+mobile+wallpapers 2ause of the way the house is currently set up, is a shelf on my wall book case) and put the little electric candles on (luckily, since Loki is very connected to electricity/lightning in my experience, this works out well).  I did use my ‘Loki Scarf’; a delicate, Irish burnout velvet scarf which is more of a ‘sacred vestment’ kind of thing; as an altar cloth.  I plan on swapping this out, but it felt like the least I could do since I’d felt like I was being so neglectful lately.

I suppose I should really give myself a break, since I’ve been sick and dizzy, but that’s really hard to do.

On another note though, I have made a commitment to write more and the first thing I am doing is only writing for at least 10 minutes a day.  So this includes blog posts (as long as avatar_58a8f20e3f81_128it’s straight writing).  I’m hoping to get back into the habit of writing a lot more often this way.

By the way, this post took 20 minutes to write. Yay!


Symbol of Loki or Symbol of Torture?

christ-on-the-cross-1627To begin with, this is a really weird question.

I’ll start with an anecdote from my partner, Discord.

Discord has mentioned occasionally that it seems weird that Christians wear Crosses, seeing as it was the implement of torture that their god was murdered on.  He likens this to someone wearing a gun or some such item to remember a loved one who was killed by such a weapon.  This makes sense to me actually.

The-Gospel-of-LokiSo, while reading the new novel The Gospel of Loki by Joanne Harris, she mentions that her version of Loki is deathly afraid of snakes.  This makes sense too, and it’s a good plot device for the novel.  Keeping in mind, this is a novel, I still thought about it for a bit.

Is using a snake symbol for Loki the same as wearing an implement of torture like Christians tend to do?  Is this a good thing or a bad?

il_570xN.619003863_iar6Most Lokeans I have come across (primarily in reading blogs or books) seem to feel the snake is a good symbol of Himself, however, he hasn’t been associated with snakes other than being the father of Jourmagand, and the snake Skaldi positioned above his head to drip venom on his face.  Snakes are usually considered representatives of fire elements and fire gods are commonly associated with snakes.

As far as my personal interaction with Loki, he hasn’t really disagreed or agreed, more prompting me to write about my questions, sharing them with the blog readers.

What do you think?

Is the snake a good symbol for Loki?  Or is it simply a reminder of an instrument that has tormented our beloved god?

Loki’s Brud/Heather Freysdottir “Embracing Marvel Loki, or how I stopped worrying about how to be a “tru” Lokean”

"Gaston VonTesmar"

“Gaston VonTesmar”

Again. Another article that just… wow.  Her experience with Him is extremely similar to mine.  Although in my case, at first, I thought He was my spirit guide, who looked very similar to a character in my novels.  It came out a little later that he was in fact Loki and we’d been dealing with each other in the Guide relationship from pretty much the first time I started studying and connecting with Him.  Interestingly, I first knew Him with green eyes and black hair.

Embracing Marvel Loki, or how I stopped worrying about how to be a “tru” Lokean

Loki’s Brud/Heather Freysdottir “Embracing Marvel Loki, or how I stopped worrying about how to be a “tru” Lokean” was originally published on Leiptr

Happy Samhain


I haven’t observed the Wiccan Samhain for several years now.  The last few, my little family has joined my in-laws at their Church’s Trunk or Treat event, which is very fun and quite secular.  That’s fine with everyone, since my personal Samhain has become a very introspective time of year for me.

Loki and I haven’t been in a working relationship for several years as well, since I have been in a Seeker mode and not in a Practitioner mode, which has lasted since 2000.  13 years is way too long to be in Seeker mode, according to me.  But what I have learned in that time is pretty substantial.  Loki is still here.  Despite past efforts to leave Him behind, ask Him to go and outright ignoring Him, He’s still here.

(Which, by the way, you can do.  You can ask a God/dess to let you be and They will.  Just be kind.  They may come back if you really do need Them, just be aware.  They do know what’s best for you even if you don’t.)

Loki tends to be one who breaks the rules.  Since this is part of what He’s about, this makes sense.  So He stayed.  He just stepped back for a while.  He’s been with me for (wow) 20 years.  This year has been the first time, however, that it’s just been Himself and me.  Being Wiccan most of my Pagan life, I had always understood that there needed to be Male and Female on the altar and never could find the right Goddess (although Bast was very close for many, many years) for me.  Loki, on the other hand, stuck around, through everything.  Being a 90s Discordian as well, this made sense.  I hardly ever felt the urge to look for a God to replace Him.  And I did run into trouble because I was drawn to Him.

I didn’t dedicate to Him until 2003 however.  I think I had felt at the time that I wouldn’t take a dedication to Loki until I was ready.  I still don’t think I was ready when I did it.  It didn’t feel special, I can’t describe how.

So it’s another 10 years of me Seeking, with Loki walking alongside me the entire time (as He does with Thor in the sagas) and me coming to this Samhain 20 years after I first decided to talk to Him and begin my work with Him.  I was going to dedicate tonight, after we got back from Trunk or Treat.  My reasoning was this:  I love Halloween (my birthday is this month).  I don’t practice Wicca any longer, so it would be nice to have Halloween be special for a spiritual reason.  And Halloween seemed pretty appropriate for Loki.

So why didn’t I dedicate tonight?  Why am I writing a blog rather than in my bedroom, talking to Him?

Because something still didn’t feel right about it.

I looked at my moon calendar and discovered that the moon is Dark on Saturday, which just sat there and screamed at me that this was the right time.  So I settled in with a martini, my Aperture Science Dell and watched Pokemon this evening once we got home.

Saturday, I will make my dedication, and it will be special this time.  Special and right and we will both be happy with it.

I realize I haven’t explained the kind of relationship I have with Loki…  It’s very, very complicated, but I will try to explain it at a later date.

So Let Me Tell You About Cards

I’m a professional Tarot reader and have been since the early 90s.  I have used my ‘go-to’ tarot deck, ‘The Tarot of the Cat People’, for years as a way to talk to my gods, namely Bast.

Since I have worked with Loki, I have had problems finding a good divination method to talk with Loki.  Tarot has never seemed to be his ‘thing’ as well as runes (more Odin’s thing than anything).  I asked an acquaintance of mine (who works with both Odin and Loki) her opinion and she said runes weren’t really ‘Loki’ as well.

So I began a search to find a divination method that would work with Loki.

I looked at dominoes, dice, pendulums, different card systems, oracles and playing cards.

Playing cards were what seemed to stick as I researched and learned about how this method works.  I also was able to establish a connection easily and that encouraged me to learn more about divination with playing cards.  It’s not too different from Tarot, which I love dearly.

This method makes it easy for anyone to pick up and learn.  All you need is a deck of playing cards like poker cards (any standard card deck).  There are a couple of good sites on the internet with interpretations for the cards, however I tend to use Tarot interpretations since it is from the Tarot that the modern playing card deck was derived.

A playing card deck differs from the Tarot in that it does not have a Major Arcana, nor Pages in the Court cards.

This is a decent site for playing card interpretations.

I’m interested to learn if other people find the playing card method effective for Loki or what other methods they use to divine for him or talk to him.